Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Wake up
Please wake up

Wake up from dream land
Snap back into reality

Look at him
Look at my leg

See the bruises?
From him

Why?

Because he used me
To be with you

So I kicked him
And felt more pain come back

Look at him
Look at my eyes

See the flames?
From him

Why?

Because he irritates me
Beyond description

So I almost mangled him
And felt you there protecting him

Look at him
Look at my soul

See the darkness?
From you

Why?

Because you protect him
But not me

So I lay on my bed in despair
Wondering when you'll wake up
:iconreadplz::iconcommentplz::iconarrowdownplz::iconcommentplz::iconreadplz:
:iconstop1plz::iconstop2plz::iconstop3plz::iconstop4plz::iconstop1plz:

So here's the background story behind this;
My best friend I've known for 8 years got a really good guy friend (For protection reasons, I'll call him Zach). I didn't really know Zach, but one day I got a text message sent to me through my best friend from him. He said that he liked me, and since I really didn't know the kid and I'm not dating till I'm sixteen, I kept it down.
Within two weeks, he walked up and talked to me only once. And the only thing he said to me was my name, and than handed me a note. I lost the note, but he told me (through my best friend of course) that it didn't matter.
And low and behold; my best friend and Zach were dating. The problem? He used me to get my best friend, and every time my best friend is around him, she is off in la la land.(Literally. No joke) He makes fun of me and my best friend's sister right in front of her (and our) face(s), and she does nothing. Absolutely nothing, and it's hard to stand up to both of them.
And I swear I've tried every remedy in the book to try to wake her up,but nothing seems to work. I feel like giving up completely and just end our friendship. But I just can't...

Note: It's all solved :) Life's good :D
But I'll leave this up here anyway :)
And thanks for reading this :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbluepelt1:
Bluepelt1 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha, read it again. Even better the second time :) Again, I'm glad everything's cool and fixed. ^^ Very nicely written poem, it describes the anger and sadness you must have been feeling.
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011
Aww... thank you sooo much :huggle:
That really does mean a lot to me :)
And I'm really glad to that everything is fixed :D I haven't edited this piece of art yet, but she did finally break up with him. It's quite nice now :)
Reply
:iconnightwolf950:
NightWolf950 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Rachy you have hurt Geo and I very badly. Mostly Geo. You have hurt me because it seems that i am nothing to you. So well i guess these are my last words to you.

Jaz.
Reply
:iconbluepelt1:
Bluepelt1 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I like this :) Very nice! ^^ Its sad, though D: Im glad everythings better
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2011
Aww...:)
:huggle: Thank you so much :D
Reply
:iconwinderlant:
Winderlant Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2011
Love binds like no other,
the truth can be laid out like cards
but only if you let your heart see,
will the truth be known.
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2011
Ooo....:iconiloveyouplz:
Very true indeed :nod:
Reply
:iconwinderlant:
Winderlant Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2011
>w<
Reply
:icongelun:
gelun Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2011
Hi I'm a critic from :iconsuperwritershelp: , here to give my brief feedback on this piece.

For the records, I read that long Artist's Comments. I understand the need to give the context of the poem but I think it's better if you keep your future ACs short(er). :) A good gauge is to keep it shorter than your poem itself.

Ok first, I think the constant repetition may in fact be apt for this poem; however, it is a lil' over used. Experiment with other methods to express a certain tone or idea. Using the same technique over and over again betrays a lack of creativity and can be quite boring at times.

Secondly, the choice of diction is very simple (colloquial) and straightforward. This is inline with the persona being very young and the work under impulse from what seems like a betrayal. However, it would be nice if you add in more details. e.g. how was the kick like? how did the pain feel? (explore the senses)

Thirdly, I really like how you omit all punctuations in this piece except for the question marks. This is a huge plus point. Additionally, you used run-on sentences, which is once again very suited for this poem. The resentment and bitter tone is nicely threaded through the entire poem. Good job on this aspect.

All in all, a very simple piece with a nicely established tone. Try to explore more imagery and poetic techniques. :)

Rating: :star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty:
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2011
:iconwowplz: Wow... I didn't know your group gave this big of a critic!!!
Thank you sooo much for the wonderful critic!!! :hug: I'll try to use your advice in the later future :nod:
Reply
:icongelun:
gelun Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2011
No problem! :D
Reply
:iconfuzzyfire4:
fuzzyfire4 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2010   Writer
.... thankx pal :( nice to know
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2010
Aww... :huggle: Who need's a hug? :icondragoncomfort:
Reply
:iconfuzzyfire4:
fuzzyfire4 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2011   Writer
aww :) thankx buddy :) its okayy i feels better now
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2011
That always good :D
Reply
:iconameme-jones:
Ameme-Jones Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
aww... I'm so sorry this happended to you ;_;
i hope things get better :huggle:
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2010
Aww... :iconglomp2plz: Thanks buddy :huggle:
Reply
:iconameme-jones:
Ameme-Jones Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
sure thing! :iconglompplz:
Reply
:iconlovel-less:
lovel-less Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
she needs to learn it the hard way- sorry to say
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2010
I know, I know :(
And I'll I can do is wait on the sideline until it's over.
Reply
:iconlovel-less:
lovel-less Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2011
yeah it sucks when that's the only way :(
Reply
:icon007balel:
007Balel Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010  Student Writer
I really like the poem.
You point out some really great view in this :D

On your situation... I am really sorry for what you are going through...
Maybe trying to spend time with her alone would be better... so that you wouldn't have to deal with them both...
The maybe trying something to have as a stress reliever, cos eventually if she is your best friend you have to encounter and end up with them together... so I know that it will be the 7pains of hell (don't know why 7 and not 8 or 9....)...
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
Aww... :) Thank you so much!! :huggle:
Hmm...:nod: That is golden advice indeed :) I'll try it. :w00t:
Btw, what might be a good stress reliever? Someone else said music, but I don't know...
And yeah...if I have to encounter them both, I pray it is the day they are married.
Reply
:icon007balel:
007Balel Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2010  Student Writer
Yeah...... I wouldn't rely on that too much... if she is your best friend you will have to encounter them more together (sorry 'bout that.. but maybe as time passes it will get better...)

A good stress reliever.... hmmm let me see what my methods are.....
-Punching against something.. to let the stress flow to your hands and flow out to the object in front of you. (maybe a mattress.. so as not to start off using a solid wall.. :P)
-A stress ball could work (or something soft which is small enough to fit in your hand and side-pocket.. that way when you are near then you can grab it and just chock the object to death instead on of them ;) )
-Music is a good way.. maybe finding time to shout and scream a bit to let it all out.
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2011
:nod: Those are wonderful ideas :)
Thank you so very much for everything :D
:huggle: :hug: :glomp: :smooch: :tighthug:
Reply
:icon007balel:
007Balel Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2011  Student Writer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:icondarkwings16:
darkwings16 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010  Student General Artist
really nice poem, but hope you manage to work it out:aww:
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
Aww...:giggle: Thank you so much :huggle:
I've gotten a lot of advice, so I hope it works!!! :w00t:
Reply
:icondarkwings16:
darkwings16 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2011  Student General Artist
^^youre welcome:hug:
good!:D
Reply
:iconalyth3cat:
alyth3cat Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
I enjoyed the poem, it is always helpful to organize your thoughts.

The one thing I've learned is, you can't attack your best friends boyfriend. You will only loose your friend in the end. You two are extremely young, that boyfriend will not last, but your friendship will. Sometimes it's best to just smile and support your friend, be there when he hurts her, and tell her, if he makes you happy then I'll stand by. Eventually he will reveal himself and their relationship will end, and you'll be able to share how he made you feel and then she'll learn from her mistake.

I'm sorry you're having to experience this, it is a very difficult situation to be in.
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
Aww...:nod: Thanks for telling me all of this :huggle:
When I get back to school, I'll do it :) Thanks for the advice!!!! :D :D :D :huggle: :hug: :glomp:
Reply
:iconalyth3cat:
alyth3cat Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
Well, I never saw the point of experiencing something just to keep the lessons to myself. :) I hope it helped you a little bit. Good luck!
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
:la: Thanks!!! :huggle:
Reply
:iconalyth3cat:
alyth3cat Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2010
:D
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010   Writer
Sometimes getting it on paper helps. And the poem is well done.
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
It does help :) I agree :D
And thanks!!! :huggle:
Reply
:iconyuzu2395:
Yuzu2395 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
:[ im sorry,i would give u good advice but in this situation im not used too *well ive never been in it :\
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
Aww... :huggle: That's alright my friend :)
You don't want to go through it, especially if you don't have any back-up friends. :( I think its hard, and I have back-up friends (If you know what I mean)
Reply
:iconyuzu2395:
Yuzu2395 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
lol!~ XD wat i would do is say my uncle just cam out of jail. . dont mess with me lol jk,but yea, i hope i dont go through it <:],but best of luck to u <3
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
Thanks!!! :D :huggle: I'll do my best ;) :hug: :glomp:
Reply
:iconyuzu2395:
Yuzu2395 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
:]
Reply
:iconobliviousdolfin:
ObliviousDolfin Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010
awww sorry that this happened! it kinda happened to me except my best friend just blew me off. maybe try just giving her space for a bit, it might work...
i like this piece
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010
Hmm...:nod: I like that :) I'll try it ;)
And thanks!!! :glomp:
Reply
:iconobliviousdolfin:
ObliviousDolfin Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010
you're welcome! good luck! :pat:
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
Thanks!!! :la:
Reply
:iconobliviousdolfin:
ObliviousDolfin Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
you're welcome :D
Reply
:iconmrs-morinozuka:
mrs-morinozuka Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i absolutely love this cuz it happened to me wiff mii best friend.

don't try to break them up! i tried to get her to see how bad her guy was, but she just go pissed and told me we weren't friends anymore. if i were yuu, i would tell yur best friend tht yur there for her, but yuu might want to stop hanging with her when her guy is around. she'll realize that he's being an ass eventually, and then want her best friend back instead of him. ^^

this is the best advice i can give
Reply
:iconsilverwind017:
silverwind017 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010
That is golden advice indeed :nod:
Although it would be nice, I wish they broke up. And no; I wouldn't dare of trying to do it. I'd get caught eventually.
And yes; I'll do that :icondragonnod1: And she'll figure it out eventually :)
Thanks again!!! :glomp:
Reply
:iconmrs-morinozuka:
mrs-morinozuka Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
yur welcome ^^
:hug:
Reply
:iconcarzygoose:
CarzyGoose Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010
looks great 8-)
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconsilverwind017: More from silverwind017


Featured in Collections

PoetsAndWriters by spaztic-one

Literature by Deedeekinz

Poetry, short stories by PoetBanana


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
December 27, 2010
File Size
856 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,655
Favourites
34 (who?)
Comments
86

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×